Improving Communication Skills

Improving

Communication Skills

I N T RO D U C T I O N

 Lack of com munica t i on skills is one of the greatest

hindrances to healthy relationships. Most of the time

when we pray, we are seeking change. We cannot change others,

but we can submit to the constant ministry of transformation by

the Holy Spirit (Rom. 12:1,2).

Prayer prepares us for change. Change produces ch a n g e,

w h i ch may be uncomfortable. If we will move through the

discomfort, God will work with us, leading us out of our selfd

eveloped defense mechanisms into a place of victory. In this place

He heals our brokenness, b e c omes our defense and our vindication.

We are enabled to submit to the Champion of our salvation, which

we are working out with fear and trembling (Phil. 2: 12).

Adults who grew up in judgmental, critical homes where they

were never allowed to express themselves sometimes carry much

hurt and anger into their relationships. Often they were not

permitted to have their own feelings without being condemned;

they were not permitted to explore any ideas different than their

parents’ or caregivers’. There was an eye watching their every

move. Any punishment they received was justified. Their parents

were incapable of making a mistake.

Adult children of religiously rigid environments were led to

believe that any slip, error in judgment, or mistake was a sin that

would send them straight to hell; the parents’ religious doctrine

was the only way to heaven, and to deviate from it would lead to

destruction. Forgiveness could be attained only after much sorrow,

penance, and retri b u t i on . Death before the com p l e t i on of

repentance led to an eternity in hell.

People raised in such oppressive home environments were

never allowed to find themselves or to travel their own individual

spiritual journeys leading to truth. The head of the home, usually

the father, was considered God in the flesh. Conflict resolution

was never taught or practiced. Whatever the head of the

household said was law — and disobedience to his law was not

discussed, but beaten out of the child. The wife was subservient

and was not allowed to question the dictates of the husband.

When these adults marry, they often feel that they have

finally found a platform from which to express themselves. They

have escaped a place of abiding fear, constant condemnation, and

continual criticism. Having no communication skills, they often

have difficulty expressing themselves properly. When anyone

disagrees with them, they tend to react as they were taught. Only

now, the marriage partner or friend does not submit to dogmatic,

manipulative words. Frustration develops. The adult child seeks to

make himself or herself understood, resulting in more frustration.

Anger is fed, and the individual continues to be in bondage to the

idea that he or she should never have been born. The person either

retreats to a silent corner, refusing to talk, or uses words to build

walls of defense — shutting others out. He or she resides inside

emotional isolation, attempting to remove himself or herself from

more hurt and criticism.

There is a way of escape. God sent His Word to heal us and

to deliver us from all our destructions (Ps. 107:20). We must

determine to listen, to learn, and to change with the help of the

Holy Spirit — our Teacher, our Guide, and our Intercessor. The

anointing is upon Jesus to bind up and heal our emotional wounds

(Luke 4:18). His anointing destroys every yoke of bondage (Isa.

10:27), setting the captives free.

P RAY ER

Father, I am Your child. Jesus said that if I pray to You in

secret, You will reward me openly.

Father, I desire with all my heart to walk in love, but I am

ever sabotaging my own efforts and failing in my relationships. I

k n ow that without faith it is impossible to please and be

satisfactory to You. I am coming near to You, believing that You

exist and that You are the Rewarder of those who earnestly and

diligently seek You.

Show “me” to me. Uncover me — bring everything to the

light. When anything is exposed and reproved by the light, it is

made visible and clear; and where everything is visible and clear,

there is light.

Heal the past wounds and hurts that have controlled my

behavior and my speech. Teach me to guard my heart with all

diligence, for out of it flow the very issues of life. Teach me to

speak the truth in love in my home, in my church, with my

friends, and in all my relationships. Also, help me to realize that

others have a right to express themselves. Help me to make room

for their ideas and their opinions, even when they are different

than mine.

Words are powerful. The power of life and death is in the

tongue, and You said that I would eat the fruit of it.

Father, I realize that words can be creative or destructive. A

word out of my mouth may seem of no account, but it can

accomplish nearly anything — or destroy it! A careless or wrongly

placed word out of my mouth can set off a forest fire. By my

speech I can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud

on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke, and go up in

smoke with it — smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary!

Father, forgive me for speaking curses. I reacted out of past

hurts and unresolved anger. At times I am dogmatic, even

boasting that I am wise; sometimes unknowingly I have twisted

the truth to make myself sound wise; at times I have tried to look

better than others or get the better of another; my words have

contributed to things falling apart. My human anger is

misdirected and works unrighteousness.

Father, forgive me. I cannot change myself, but I am willing

to change and walk in the wisdom that is from above.

Father, I submit to that wisdom from above that begins with

a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is

gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not

hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. Use me as Your

instrument to develop a healthy, robust community that lives right

with You. I will enjoy its results only if I do the hard work of

getting along with others, treating them with dignity and honor.

With the help of the Holy Spirit and by Your grace, I will not

let any unwholesome talk come out of my mouth, but only what

is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it

may benefit those who listen.

My heart overflows with a goodly theme; I address my psalm

to You, the King. My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.

Mercy and kindness shut out all hatred and selfishness, and truth

shuts out all deliberate hypocrisy or falsehood; and I bind them

about my neck, write them upon the tablet of my heart.

I speak excellent and princely things; and the opening of my

lips shall be for right things. My mouth shall utter truth, and

wrongdoing is detestable and loathsome to my lips. All the words

of my mouth are righteous (upright and in right standing with

You, Lord); there is nothing contrary to truth or crooked in them.

My tongue is as choice silver, and my lips feed and guide many. I

open my mouth in skillful and godly wisdom, and on my tongue

is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

Father, thank You for loving me unconditionally. I thank You

for sending Your Son, Jesus, to be my Friend and elder Brother

and for giving me Your Holy Spirit to teach me and to bring all

things to my remembrance. I am an overcomer by the blood of the

Lamb and by the word of my testimony.

In the name of Jesus I pray, amen.

Scripture References

1 John 3:1 Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Matthew 6:6 Psalm 45:1 AMP

Hebrews 11:6 AMP Proverbs 3:3 AMP

Ephesians 5:13 AMP Proverbs 8:6-8 AMP

Proverbs 4:23 Proverbs 10:20,21 AMP

Ephesians 4:15 Proverbs 31:26 AMP

Proverbs 18:21 Romans 8:31-39 NIV

James 3:5,6 MESSAGE Hebrews 2:11 NIV

James 3:9-16 MESSAGE John 15:15 NIV

James 3:17 John 14:26

James 3:17,18 MESSAGE Revelation 12:11